A Bullet For Everyone

God, I'm simply so used to beginning with "Yes, Comrades" that I feel completely naked when I don't say it. But on the plus side, it's nice to be able to write without having to think of a stupid pun or one liner every sentence or two. So there's that.

Anyway, I have one subject in particular I'd like to cover with you all today. "You all" may well be one, maybe two people, but oh well. Maybe when I croak it, this is what they'll remember me for! My magnum opus, Black Melt. My best mate has very kindly offered to create a custom banner for me, which I'm very excited to see (no rush though la!) and this is where, if I was writing in Empty Ring, I'd start saying words that rhyme with 'see' and 'me'. Thankfully not, think I've overused my quota on that gag. Anyway, I brought up the banner because it has given me the boost I needed to write tonight in the bright lights of white might. Ok, got it in anyway.

Music...mmm, I have to say I've made no new discoveries worth writing home about lately. I had a very enjoyable staff night out last Saturday where Disclosure's White Noise became my new theme song. This ties in with my first post which covered that very song. The duet I performed in with the housekeeper I hadn't spoken a full sentence to before on I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing is irrelevant. Ok, so that's music sorted!

BORDERLANDS!!!!!

Seriously, just watch that right there. It may well be all the persuasion you need to play this fucking game, I know it was good enough for me to sit up and pay more attention to my tiny, shitty little television screen.

I 'hinted' at talking about this game last time (if by hinted you mean outright said I'd probably talk about it) along with F.E.A.R. But really, fuck F.E.A.R. It's not a bad game so far, but I've hardly touched it, played about two hours of it. I must admit, I did jump once, I was wading through some sewage pipe thing large enough for a man, shuffling past lifeless skeletons floating in the water when BANG! Or whatever the onomatopoeia is for a skeleton suddenly leaping at you, making a very loud noise and making the screen suddenly flash red. So the game has promise, but I couldn't take the hype anymore, I had to try Borderlands.

So, I'm greeted with the startup screen, then that stellar intro, then I pick my character and that's that, I'm left to fend for myself with no real inclination of what to do or how to do it. Found it a bit daunting at first, but I soldiered on. As my abilities were gradually explained to me and I realised the width of the arsenal of techniques and weapons I had at my disposal, I couldn't wait to start crying bloody murder.

And to see if there was a 'Scream Your Name In Pleasure' option for this character.

I did seriously go Lilith, pictured above. As a manly man with more chest hairs than chromosomes (sadly that's probably true :( ) I was of course skeptical about going a girl, but wow, all jokes aside, I'm so glad I did. Her signature ability is Phasewalking, which basically means she creates a massive explosion around her then immediately turns invisible and can sprint twice as fast as anyone else for a few seconds, then another explosion and she's back in business. Suited my style perfectly.

There are literally millions of guns in this game with tons of mods for them, grenade mods including sticky grenades, grenades that explode into other grenades...elemental guns, ammo upgrades, shields which electrocute enemies who are too close when they blast your face, shields that regenerate your health and spew acid, guns with blades which set enemies alight...I can't stress enough how much there is to loot in Borderlands. You know what else? There are at least two whole categories of item (one is artifact guns) that I haven't even discovered yet...and I'm at level 30 of the level 61 cap! That's nothing though - I've recently heard a mate's girlfriend has 500 hours pumped into this game and is showing no signs of letting up yet!

Let me try to paint you a picture to help you understand why this game is so fucking amazing. I've just been given a mission to hunt down and destroy Mothrakk, a giant, flying, fire-breathing, nigh-invincible homage to Mothra of Godzilla fame (which made me a very happy man). At the touch of a button, I've generated a rocket launcher equipped car/tank hybrid and am speeding towards the beast. I launch rockets from the cartank whilst simultaneously mowing it down with the chaingun, which is doing little to no damage. Mothrakk retaliates by showering me and my car in an explosive inferno and isn't letting up. Seconds before the car explodes, taking Lilith (me) with it, I leap out and sprint to cover. I whip out my trusty shotgun which douses my foes in caustic acid, doing damage over time. Blast, blast...no real effect from such a distance. Out comes my electric repeater, which seems to be clipping the beast's wings. Or maybe not. I'm once again struck by a meteor shower of death. Phasewalk! Thankfully when I last levelled up, I upgraded Lilith to regenerate health during those precious few seconds of invisiblity. I get to new cover. Out comes my recently acquired combat rifle, but I'm not well-levelled in combat rifles, so despite each shot I fire creating an explosion on impact, my accuracy simply isn't good enough. Fine! Big gun time. Behold my sniper rifle of firey doom. I sprint around the wastes, narrowly escaping Mothrakk's explosive death blasts many times, choosing my shots carefully, each one will set my enemy on fire for a brief amount of time. Sorted. Or so I thought, until it summoned a colony of its lesser counterparts to swarm me. Wait for it...wait for it...NOW! I activate Phasewalk, which creates an explosion of acid and lightning around me, destroying the whole swarm in one blast. I quickly exit phasewalk, leap into the air, and punch Mothrakk square on the beak, which sends it hurtling across the wastes, granting me a level up and a shitload of cash to upgrade my shields, ammo capacities and grenade power.

Yes, please, I implore you - PLAY BORDERLANDS!!