Inertia Creeps

Ok. For a blog named (and URLed (is that a thing?)) for Massive Attack songs, I've done very little in the way of talking about the band. This is pretty inexcusable, I reckon. They're one of my absolute favourites and have been for a short while now, and deservedly so, in my humblest of opinions. Fucking Nicki Minaj man, seriously, naming one of her songs Massive Attack, she knew full well what she was doing and should be shot as such. Anyway, that's a thing, let's go on a little journey back in time...

Blue Lines, the debut album to end them all. What are blue lines? Fucked if I know, but when you've got an album of this calibre, who cares? The party begins with Safe From Harm, a funky singalong with the impeccable (at the time) vocals of Shara Nelson, before she went and stalked Pete Tong and all that stuff happened. That's the beauty of Blue Lines actually, it's an extremely versatile album with something for everyone on there. For a bassy trip-hop band, the fact that their music can be played at parties - which does happen, I've read stories - says a lot about how workable their music is. "I was lookin back to see if you were looking back at me to see me looking back at you" is also, somehow, a really good lyric I think, from one of the men who make it all happen, Robert Del Naja aka 3D.

The album also has one of MA's most famous songs, Unfinished Sympathy. This is an absolute classic that will never get old and I reckon one of the best songs of all time. Shara Nelson sings again on this one and she couldn't have done it any better, truly. Play this one at my funeral please.

Horace Andy, an old reggae master, guests with the band on every album they've released to date. His voice is an acquired taste...well I think so anyway, I know a lot of people say "Wow, what a voice!" right away, but I personally didn't. He has a few choice cuts on here, One Love (which samples You Know, You Know by The Mahavishnu Orchestra, another great song incidentally) being one, ha ha ha...and Hymn Of The Big Wheel, one of my top songs from Blue Lines. The chorus line is one of brilliance and simplicity too "One man struggles, while another relaxes" Ain't that the truth...Finally, interesting coincidence: four of the songs on the album are suspiciously close in length to 4:20...

Key Cuts: Safe From Harm; One Love; Be Thankful For What You've Got; Unfinished Sympathy; Daydreaming; Hymn Of The Big Wheel

Now we come to the freshest album for me, I only got it two weeks ago. Protection seems to pick up exactly where Blue Lines left off. I'm not entirely sure what I mean by that but it just feels like a worthy followup. So, I bought the album in HMV and left it unopened for a day. Then by fate (?) my friend was coming down from Glasgow for a visit. So, we did our usual and cruised. I stuck this on and we were both encapsulated by the opening titular track. She made fun of the second track, saying it sounded like it belonged on the Scooby Doo movie soundtrack, which I've managed to unhear. Whew. But when the album was finished, it was her, not me, who asked to hear it again. This was pleasing!

So, Shara Nelson left Massive Attack for Protection, who was replaced by Tracey Thorn, a woman I am wary of to say the least. But even I must admit she did a stellar job on her two songs here. As my mate's mum once said about her, "She really is Everything But The Girl". Anyway, Shara's replacement began the MA tradition of having a new guest vocalist on every album, with a little cameo from a second guest singer too, in this case it's Nicolette on track Three. This might be my current favourite from Protection, I just love her voice and the whole theme of the song, which is basically wishing you could have the pure, innocent mind of a child again while retaining the mental experience you have. Basically, all of the wisdom, with none of the knowledge. Think Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, before Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Genius.

Horace Andy is back again too. The rapping present on Blue Lines makes a welcome return too, especially on aforementioned track number two: Karmacoma. Tricky left Massive after this album to pursue his soon-to-be very successful solo career sadly, but his swansong here is a fitting one. Karmacoma is, apart from a very cool-titled song, a brilliant example of Tricky's inimitable vocals and wacky hip hop rhymes. Seriously, the band has something for everyone.

Key Cuts: Protection; Karmacoma; Three; Sly; Heat Miser

Here we are. The greatest of them all. This is where my love affair with the band started...I was watching a shitload of House episodes to kill time before flying to Arizona. Quite a big fan of that show, I was. I went hunting for the theme song one day to use in a comedy album, which was of course Teardrop by Massive Attack. For some reason, I kept going back to this song, drawn to it like a moth to the flame, at no point being able to identify exactly why. One morning, I hadn't slept all night for some reason. I decided to find some new music to keep me busy. I stumbled onto...I think it was by Q...the 50 best British albums of all time and I picked out an album by The Beta Band and I also spied Mezzanine. "Who are these guys, man?" I decided to give another song by them a go, another single from this album, Angel. This was unlike anything I'd ever heard before and I was livid that I hadn't tried it before, it was everything I'd ever wanted in a band. That may sound extreme but I really mean it! I listen to a lot of...spacey...music, like The Amorphous Androgynous, The Mahavishnu Orchestra, La Femme, Stumbleine, Gorillaz (kinda count), but none of them quite did what Angel was doing. I was blown away to say the least. Later, in Arizona, I bought this album as a parting gift for a friend, but before I gave it to her, we had a little listen in the car. Holy. Fuck. Nothing, and I mean nothing, had ever moved me like this before, it was sheer Heaven, especially 'in the glow'.

So here we are today, I'm a massive (ha ha) fan of this band and that isn't going to change. Anyway! Enough about me. Mezzanine is sheer paranoia in music form and there isn't a bad song on it. One of my favourite things about the band is that they never explicitly state their stance on the connotations of their music, like drugs, sex, etc. I've no idea what they're up to at any point and I love them all the more for it. Elizabeth Fraser of Cocteau Twins is the guest this time around and what a job she does on Teardrop. She also does great on the druggy weirdness of Black Milk, which this blog is named after, the abysmal redux version Black Melt. Skip that, honestly, it's dire. Her crowning moment will be discussed in a bit though. Horace Andy delivers the goods again too, Angel may be his magnum opus, though Man Next Door (which, thematically, is the album's paranoid centrepiece for me) is also well worth a listen. The most interesting 'cameo' of them all is on Mezzanine in the form of Sarah Jay singing on Dissolved Girl, the soundtrack to the angriest sex you've ever had. That song's worth hearing just for the explosion of guitars in the middle, gets me headbanging every time - and I'm really not the headbanging type.

I'd like to dedicate a paragraph to the album's unofficial closer, Group Four. Now, an alternate version of Exchange which appears midway through the album as the first chance to rest that you get, with Horace Andy singing over it is actually the final track, but fuck that, Group Four is Mezzanine's true ending. Elizabeth Fraser and 3D duet on one of the greatest songs ever recorded. I genuinely struggle to believe human beings created it, it's so...perfect. Everything is as it should be, in its right place. Every element of the album comes together in a jaw-dropping climax, something finally gives and there's a nuke of guitars, distortion, drums and rushing vocals and the whole thing just gets faster...and faster, and faster, and faster, until it's all over and you feel absolutely exhausted. Please, if you listen to no other Massive Attack song in your life, make it Group Four.

I should point out that I played Angel for a friend semi-recently (I really need to start using names...) and he said it didn't do anything for him. I spent a while trying to work out why and I got my answer. It was listened to on a laptop, no bass whatsoever. You must listen to this stuff with a good bass output, bass is one of MA's key ingredients and without it, the effect just won't work. Just a heads up. Top five albums ever, Mezzanine.

Key Cuts: The whole thing. No? Ok...Angel; Teardrop; Inertia Creeps; Dissolved Girl; Mezzanine; Group Four.

Isn't that a brilliant cover? Anyway I'm going to be brief with 100th Window as I'm still to fully digest it, it's not my favourite of the albums. I have heard it all the way through twice and while it's still brilliant, it's just so inferior to all that preceded it. Sinead O'Connor is the guest, she does a terrific job on two of my favourites from 100th Window: A Prayer For England and What Your Soul Sings, the first post on here is named for that song, we have officially come full circle!

This is a solo project from 3D essentially, which is where the problem lies I think. My main issue with the album is that it feels so...inhuman, detached, electronic. No organic instruments that I can remember which just kills the whole thing for me. Horace Andy does fine, Del Naja/3D does fine too, but it's just not a highlight for me. Yet.

Key Cuts: Future Proof; What Your Soul Sings; Butterfly Caught; A Prayer For England; Small Time Shot Away; Antistar....hey, maybe I like this album more than I thought, I love all of these tunes. Ha.

Well, here we are, the present day. I haven't heard Heligoland in full yet, but I have heard Paradise Circus and Flat Of The Blade, which is interesting for two reasons: it has Guy Garvey on vocals, and the song makes you feel physically sick, literally. It's so jarring. Guess you can love that or hate it. Paradise Circus is amazing, by the way. So hypnotic and...sexy. Give that a go for sure. Massive Attack are in studio recording their next album as I write this and it will herald the return of Tricky!! Great things are coming, friends. I should say here, Daddy G (forgotten his real name) is the second half of MA at the moment and I haven't mentioned him once. He's great. Ok I need to leave soon so let's leave it there. I've taken the liberty of crafting a little playlist if I've caught your interest, I hope you'll at least give one tune a go. Here's to Massive Attack, one of the greatest bands of all time.

1. Safe From Harm
2. Teardrop
3. Three
4. Angel
5. Protection
6. Be Thankful For What You've Got
7. Karmacoma
8. What Your Soul Sings
9. I Against I
10. Dissolved Girl
11. Unfinished Sympathy
12. Butterfly Caught
13. Daydreaming
14. Paradise Circus
15. Sly
16. Bullet Boy
17. Heat Miser
18. Hymn Of The Big Wheel
19. Mezzanine
20. Group Four

Video Games

Well, here we are again! I have just sampled the new flavour of crisp - Ranch Raccoon, and I must say I'm quite disappointed. That's about the pinnacle of excitement that my life has reached of late. So, I figured I'd write a bit about some cool shit to distract me from the mundanity of it all. I know I originally set out to chew the fat digitally over music, but for whatever reason I've been lead down the path of video games? Yeah, sorry about that, but in my defence I also stated that whatever happens, happens. We don't have to make it awkward, just take it as it comes, baby. No big deal.

So, what I'm going to do is name five games for each console I've owned that I think if you haven't played yet, you're doing yourself a massive disservice. I'm not saying my taste in games is perfect (see: Deathsmiles) but I reckon I've been wasting enough of my life on all sorts of consoles to have some kind of educated opinion on the subject. Take what I say with a pinch of salt, of course, it's entirely my opinion. But I really, really, really hope that if you're reading this and see a game mentioned that you haven't played that you immediately go and give it a shot. On my life, you will not be disappointed. I should point out that I haven't played every game I'd like to, so I'm bound to miss a good one here and there - I've only just made it halfway through Code Veronica after all these years, and I imagine if I'd done so sooner that would be here, it's a great game...if a bit really hard compared to the other Resis. Oh and spoiler alert!!! But anyway, here it is...

Games To Treasure Forever

We start with the Playstation Two, solely because I'm currently totally lost in the #1 game at the moment and want to talk about it. Here goes...

#5 - Shadow of the Colossus

There's a whole debate about whether video games can or should be considered a form of art or not; I think this game illustrates better than most that it definitely is. So, here's the deal. You're Wander. Your woman Mono is dead, but you can restore her to life by slaying the sixteen colossi of the land, as promised by Dormin, a totally trustworthy demonic entity, with the help of your loyal horse Agro. And that's it! That's the story.

So, essentially the game is a string of sixteen grand, majestic, beautiful boss battles. Each one is completely unique and sure to stick in your memory for a long, long time. Some examples of this mechanic that spring to mind are chasing down a flying colossi (named Phalanx if memory serves me right) riding Agro, getting up nice and close, standing up on your steed's back and leaping for dear life onto the beast's wing, quickly climbing onto the tip of the wing and stabbing its sigil with your sword. Another, pictured, involves using your longbow to aggravate Mr Big And Swordy into attacking you, at which point you sprint up his sword, along his arm and climb up his shoulder, onto his head, and stabbing him, before he shakes you off...but you catch his stone 'belt' on the way down, narrowly avoiding death, before Agro gets in place for you to safely drop down and try again.

It truly is just a thing of beauty. The final battle too...you think you've seen it all and couldn't possibly be surprised, but you'd be so wrong. The thing's a fucking mountain! But the adrenaline rush you get from very slowly climbing to the top, while the most epic music you've ever heard in your life blares, with orchestral perfection and a choir to die for...it's unmatched. Also, for a game which has barely any dialogue at all, the feeling you get when you have to watch Wander shouting in despair after just watching Agro fall to her death is incredible and very unexpected. I could've cried, genuinely, and I thought I didn't care...I actually just watched the cutscene I'm talking about and I welled up. Not Agro, why Agro, why?!

See this game for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YO2I2kFORQo

#4 - Kingdom Hearts

Ah, this old game. I'm sure you probably think me a total fuckhead for including this, but hear me out. I accept that you are a retard swinging a giant key around, I accept that the story was and is completely nonsensical and stupidly intricate and I accept all the other shit this series gets. But the original game is a masterpiece for so many reasons.

Skipping on the story completely because I hate the KH story more than any other game series story I think. But you're Sora, the aforementioned retard swinging the giant key, the Keyblade, around. The game is as you must know a mixture of Disney and Final Fantasy characters which somehow works! Seriously, it does. The game was one of the most fun experiences that you could get on the PS2 during its release, and who wouldn't want to rush through Wonderland with Alice, Donald Duck and Goofy Whateverheis (dog? But Pluto...) whacking 'Heartless' over the head and saying "It's 12 o'cock, bitch!"? It's a real thrill and very charming at times. An old friend and I once tried to get Sora's stats all to maximum, which is 100 if I recall, and let me assure you, that was no light time investment. We managed to max out his attack completely but never finished his defence. It's that good.

The battle with Sephiroth, pictured, deserves special mention for being so outrageously hard until you learn his every move. When you finally DO defeat him, you feel you have accomplished something truly special, he is an absolute bitch to fight. But it's also the most fun you can have in the game, in my humble opinion, once you get it down. Also hearing a mysterious voice say "Now, let's see that Keyblade...or do I have no choice but to take it?" then the figure emerges from the shadows and you discover it's only fucking Squall! What a rush.

See this game for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=463JY-_sN0A

#3 - Silent Hill 2

Now we're talking. The first four Silent Hill games are all superb (yes, even The Room, weird though it is when compared to the others) but the second game, for me, is by far the king. You are James Sunderland, a poor, confused man who has just received a letter from his dead wife, inviting him to their 'special place', Silent Hill. Dead people don't send letters though, so I guess I've spotted a flaw in this game's story! I'm kidding, even our walking talking vagina of a protagonist realises this, and that's why he's showed up to the town from Hell.

The game is so amazing for one main reason to me: it doesn't rely on jump scares at all. Well, it does have them, but the true horror comes from the images conjured up and the nightmares you will have from seeing what you have seen, through James Sunderland's eyes. You're given next to no ammunition (which is fine cause you have sod all guns too) and a couple of decent-to-shit melee weapons in which to battle off the slew of grotesques in the town, all of which are manifestations of James' personal demons. I called him a walking talking vagina for a reason, see, because you battle such monsters, except they don't talk. Seriously, vaginas on legs that spray acid at you, to represent James' internal suffering...they're meant to look like hospital patients squirming in agony but also have some of James' sexual frustration in there. It may sound silly but it's genuinely absolutely bloody terrifying. Or the mannequins...The very sexy mannequins. And we ain't even gotten to Pyramid Head yet son!

There are three difficulty settings, one set each for Action and Puzzles, so you'll have plenty to come back for. Multiple endings, including an ending which reveals it has been a dog in a computer room orchestrating the events of the game. Funny and yet twisted. Ok, so Pyramid Head. He's James' personal nemesis, the manifestation of his desire to be tortured and punished for not saving his wife Mary's life. Oh, that's another thing, this has one of the best stories of any video game, ever. When you finally discover the truth at the end of the game, your jaw will fucking drop, mines does every time even when I know it's coming, I forget the impact that the revelation has on me. Seriously, you need to play this game. It will change you and I'm pretty sure I mean that. You'll cry, you'll scream, you'll have your heart torn out, it's not a game, it's an experience. "You deserve to die too James!" Man...gets me every time.

See this game for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uz2Tzw1KDTU

#2 - Timesplitters 2

I'm not sure if this is a cheat or not, since I actually owned this for the Gamecube. I'm classing it as PS2 though because I think my Gamecube list will be tight, lots of great games came out for that system.

But we're talking Timesplitters right now. This is, for my money, the best first person shooter ever made. See, a lot of people would say Goldeneye, but I encourage you to go back and try Goldeneye now, I'll wait. ......... Hasn't aged well has it? I'd almost say by today's standards, it's a bad game! Timesplitters 2 on the other hand is a work of perfection. You have a silly story mode, where you battle your way through different time periods including a zombie-filled Notre Dame (complete with hunchback character), Neo Tokyo which comes direct from Blade Runner pursuing a hacker, the Wild West complete with pain in the arse boss, an Aztec temple overrun with monkeys who want to kill you with explosive watermelons and more, hunting down the Timesplitters for the time crystals they stole. Timesplitters is absolutely bloody bonkers and I love it.

Three difficulty settings, 120 unlockable characters, about 20 game modes including Deathmatch, Virus (a real thrill), Vampire and more to play with friends, 30 or so unique and fun guns, and other impressive numbers. This game has a little feature called Insomniac, which basically tells you the longest period you've played the game for in one sitting. I clocked in at over eighteen hours. What does that tell you? It's because of the Arcade Mode, full of amusing little missions, each with their own fun gimmick. You can score a bronze, silver, gold or platinum in these mini missions and each trophy you get will bring a reward, be it a new gun, a new stage, a new character, a new game mode, whatever. That's the real time suck. Or, there's Challenge Mode, including a mode in which you are trapped in one room, practically immobile, as zombies pour in from all over trying to tear you a new one, which is also a real thrill, cause it's damn hard. Forget your CODs and your Battlefields and your Master Sergeant Shooter Person 3Ds, this is the one you want.

See this game for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tlHjj_WdHVU

#1 - Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening

This is it, ladies and gentlemen. This list isn't in any real order, but this game is where it belongs, at the top. The best Playstation 2 game of them all, I say. A lad at school recommended the first Devil May Cry to me once and really sold it to me, so I went and bought it. So began a love affair that would last me the rest of my life (so far at least. Don't fuck this one up, Capcom, it's the last of your franchises you haven't ruined. More on that later).

Devil May Cry 3 follows the half-human, half-demon Dante the demon hunter and son of Sparda, the legendary demon who rebelled against his own kind to save humanity. He's just sitting around eating pizza when a weird bald guy pays him a visit and brings some demon bitches with him. Next thing you know, a colossal tower appears from the ground, atop which stands Dante's icy, selfish, power-mad twin brother, Vergil. You do battle with the demons outside Dante's office, culminating in a standoff between you and a greater demon, the Hell Vanguard. You struggle with all of your might to beat this sonofabitch and it certainly doesn't prove easy. Then you see a cutscene of the Vanguard attacking Vergil, who, without blinking, kills it in one hit. "Holy fuck, he is going to destroy me, isn't he?"

And destroy you he will. This game is widely regarded as one of the hardest ever made which I couldn't agree with more. I'm very, very proud to report that I beat the game on Dante Must Die mode and I shit you not, I broke two controllers in the process, it was absolutely rage-inducing, but I made it! On the original version of the game too, not the easier re-release. Go me.

You have four 'styles' to choose from: Trickster, which makes dodging a lot easier; Gunslinger, which lets you use guns in totally unique and useful ways; Swordmaster, which does the same for your swords and Royalguard, which lets you block any attack and release your collected energy in one insanely powerful blast...if you can get the block timing down. Mastering these styles is a game in and of itself. You have five guns and five Devil Arms (swords, gauntlets, etc.) to choose from, and if you're going to take on this game's challenge, you'll need every one to survive and you'll need to know when to use each one.

The music, a strange mix of cyberpunk and gothic orchestral pieces, is outstanding and each tune fits the bill perfectly. Check out Devils Never Cry from the soundtrack, that's its centerpiece basically. The boss fights deserve special mention too. Each and every one of them will test your resolve to the absolute limits...I love to read people's opinions on who the hardest boss is, because everyone struggles with a different one. Good sign right? Most people hate the Vergil fights for example, but I believe they're some of video gaming's very finest moments, iconic and perfect in every way. It also helps that I've fought him so many times that I could do his moves in real life...Oh, if you care, my personal nemesis is Beowulf, pictured.

Tons to do here too. Find blue orb pieces to make blue orbs and increase your maximum health, invest in some purple orbs to increase your Devil Trigger, seek out the secret missions, unlock new characters, outfits and modes and of course, the legendary Super characters. I've put thirty hours into this game since I got it back on the HD collection for 360 and I have no plans to stop yet. Then what did they do? They went and released the Special Edition of DMC3, which lets you play as fucking Vergil. That might not mean anything to you, but it's the only time in my life I've bought the same game twice, put it that way. I bought DMC3 twice so I could play as Vergil and it was so, so worth it. That also doubles your playtime, so you'll be treasuring Devil May Cry 3: Dante's Awakening, for a long, long time. I beg you - play it.

Devil May Cry has been consistently good too. Except for DMC2, I tried it again recently and it was torture, skip that one altogether. My friend has my DMC4 which I haven't finished, hurry up and give me that back! As for the reboot, DmC...you know what? I was very pleasantly surprised. It's great so far, I don't know what people are complaining about. I'm notorious for wearing nostalgia goggles and even I like the reboot, so it must be good. But I digress. Devil May Cry 3, best PS2 game of them all, and a game to treasure forever.

See this game for yourself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VFlcxR6p6A

Too Young To Fall

Hello, good morning and as ever, a big, big welcome to the blog. On today's entry we're going to be discussing two things and I'm in a hurry to shoot some Spanish people in the face, followed up with a piledriver to splat their stupid gallego Diego skulls. Amigo, joder a tu luchador chino o lo que sea. Mierda. Amigo. Quiero decir, si, ya sabes. Mierda.

Yes! So I'm going to cover something that will be of no interest to about 99% of you, but oh well. I need to get it out of my bollocks, here doubling for my system.

Blazblue!

See how pro that was? I'm going to quickly run through my top five characters from this game, based on a mixture of gameplay, personality and character development. Should be quite funky if you give a damn.

First of all, Blazblue is a fighting game/visual novel thing. It's all anime related. I happen to hate anime, my kindest opinion of it is that it tells good stories but covers it in ridiculous fluff like gigantic sweat drops, laughing fits at absolutely nothing, ridiculously-named techniques and people...God I could go on forever. With this in mind, I still love the Blazblue games. They tell fantastic stories, each character is dripping with personality, the gameplay is intricate, fast-paced and intense. You can fight as a total 'scrub' as I believe the real losers say, or you can be a master, but it'll require dedication...which, if you get any action, you aren't going to have time to give to this game. Ok, as ever I had a bunch of clever things to say here in my mind but the time has come and I want to fire me that Chicago Typewriter, so let's get right to it. First off...

Honorable Mentions

Hakumen - He's a steely icy dude who seems to love his Japanese shit. His counter has a Japanese symbol and everything. He's pretty fucking slow and seems a bit cliché in comparison to the other characters, so he doesn't quite cut it. Also, he's my fucking archnemesis in this game...when it comes to playing with real people anyway.

Ragna - The main character who is also quite cliché. He's cool and all, but the writers think his one-liners wayyy funnier than they actually are. The fact that he's so easy to use well also puts me off, a challenge is a good thing.

OK! Here goes!

Fifth Favourite Blazblue Character: Litchi

Tits McGhee is most certainly not on vacation anymore! Straight to the point - I like Litchi because her character tells an interesting story. One of the nicest fuckers around, but will go to any lengths...any...lengths...to get the one thing she wants. No spoilers here, but it doesn't take long before you find out what that thing is. As far as playstyle goes, she has two entirely separate movesets - one with the staff, one without. She's all fast with her karate and shit without it, and with it she can strike you from pretty much anywhere on the field. Fun!

Fourth Favourite Blazblue Character: Makoto

That fucking squirrel tail and the fucking skimpiness both irritate me greatly. No need for either. Regardless, this bitch is never done whinging about the 'squirrel racism' she receives. That's the odd thing about the Blazblue world...black people are fine but if you have a squirrel tail, shit to be you. Rightly so too. Anyway, Makoto...she pretty much made this list based purely on her playstyle. She's a lot of fun! Every big move can be charged and your timing needs to be spot on. If it isn't, you'll knock your partner a little bit. But if it is, you'll send them hurtling miles and the screen goes nuts. Hard to explain. Try her if you fancy.

Third Favourite Blazblue Character: Bang

I can see why a lot of niggas would find this nigga a royal pain in the fartflaps. He's loud, brash, full of himself...yes, all true, but my God he says some funny shit. He's such a parody of himself, all the boring 'fight for justice' ninjas most people are so fucking tired of. He gets the piss taken out of him constantly, but he's completely oblivious, too busy giving massive speeches and generally being a pain. I love him. Playing as him is great fun though, he's got stars, giant nails to kick off, pretty snazzy combos, stuff like that. If you can fulfil the conditions to turn him 'super' too, it's all over.

Second Favourite Blazblue Character: Hazama

Oh yeah, spoiler alert, he's a bad guy. Possibly my favourite bad guy of them all, because he just relishes the misery he causes, and is quite happy to be evil purely for the sake of it. When he's being a nice fella, he's convincing and subtly manipulative. But when he's in evil mode, people get insulted, nails get broken, "Poo poo head!" is shouted (more than once!). Seriously though he's a fucking amazing villain because he's just such a dick and is always one step ahead, delighting in the despair around him. As far as gameplay goes, he fights like Michael Jackson dances. He's really, really hard to use but what do you expect? Also, when he's 'Unlimited', there is simply no beating him. Top ten hardest bosses ever when he's like that.

Favourite Blazblue Character: Platinum

Haha, no.

Actual Favourite Blazblue Character: Taokaka

Was there ever any doubt? Tao is my fucking spirit animal or some shit dude fuck. I'm...fuck. She eats, she sleeps, she doesn't give a fuck. Even when everything's about to go to shit if she doesn't go do something, "Oh well!" then off she fucks to eat. Her lines are actually funny (most of the time), she lives to be happy and you never, ever see her real face. What's not to love? She makes any scene she appears in lighthearted and it's just bullshit when people go hitting her and shit I mean seriously. Look at her! She's the weakest character in the game but she's also the fastest. Losing to Taokaka is more or less a stamp of disgrace on your conscience for the rest of your life, which is why it's so satisfying to destroy Hakumen, strongest character, with her using nothing but super-speedy combos, grabs and the lot. I know few people use her because she's not...cool, but that's what I like about her, I don't take video games seriously at the best of times. So, on Team Tao I am, and on Team Tao I will stay forever.




Wow, you actually read that, you nerdy fuck? Thank you! One final thing. I can't remember the last time I laughed so hard at a video in my life. I recorded myself laughing at it because it was so strange to hear, even for me, to be laughing quite so much. I won't say any more for fear of spoiling it, but you only need to watch the first four minutes of this. This man, known only as 'Dopefish', has made my life complete. J.T. Sexkik did it last week with Hammockalypse...Dopefish gets the spotlight this week, simply for having the world's best laugh, by far.
Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you...Laddergoat.

Where's Your Head At

Well now...I promised myself that I would write here tonight. I had a bunch of songs all ready for discussion and recommendation, still do, but being behind the keys as they say, in the hot seat, it seems a bit daunting now. Basically, I have three particular playlists I would like you to enjoy in some way, shape or form.

Apologies for any lack of coherence or consistency with any previous posts, on a totally selfish and boring note it has been a tempestuous week on my end to say the least. I won't bore you with the details, but physically and mentally I am in no way in the state I should be, so again, I can only apologise.

With that said, I owe a particular credit to a mixtape I discovered online that isn't actually mine. How I got to it is a long story, but you might get a kick out of it so here goes. E3 2014 was in full swing. An animator I'm a fan of (psychicpebbles. Check him out) made a post in reference to Ubisoft's 2011 conference, with 'Mr Caffeine'. I'd never heard of this guy so I took a look and cringed so hard that I wanted to cut my own fucking face off. Not for the faint hearted. On a side note, when are the powers that be going to stop treating every single person with any interest in games like doorknob-fucking retards with no friends, self esteem or cans of Lynx? Anyway. So that lead to a video called 'The worst of E3 2011' which was similarly cringeworthy all around. Some idiot kept saying 'Great job, Jeremy' (makes sense in context), I looked up the full clip of this odd segment, which lead to the music of a series called 'Touhou', uploaded by the same person. I'd never heard of this, but I quite liked the music. So, I searched "What is Touhou?" and got a very enjoyable and informative explanation. The same guy who did this explanation had uploaded this...

I was fucking blown away. Whoever this fella is, he has fucking incredible taste in dance music, impeccable I'd even say. Really impressive. Hammockalypse is, as the description says, perfect for late nights with the feet up in the sun just getting fucking monged on music, basically. It's not the most taxing stuff to listen to, which is where its appeal lies. It has put me onto some stunning artists, including Mister Lies, Blackmill, Stumbleine, Dengue Fever and...whatever FELT is. Think it's one of those anime things. Anyway, I'm practically begging you to listen to at least the first four songs on this mixtape, it's something truly special I reckon. It's been instrumental in keeping my sanity together and in short just zombifying me, which can be exactly what you need sometimes. Enjoy.


This next mixtape...if it goes wrong and you don't like it, there's only me to blame. So there is that. I've called it Blunt Shmokin' Super Songs. You don't necessarily have to smoke a fat one to enjoy this music, but I imagine it would really help. These are one hundred songs that I recommend you dip into and try some new ones you haven't heard before if you're just needing something to take the edge off. No metal here lads, this is for the laidback hombres (and whatever the female equivalent of hombres are (don't tell me, I don't care)). I reiterate that I'm not asking you to listen to all of these, not even close, it would just soothe my ego if you'd dip into it, find a new song you enjoy, then message me saying something along the lines of "I love you, my friend, and I want to have your babies". Cheers. Without further ado...

Click above.

One last playlist. When pulling this one together, I was surprised at just how few songs I managed to pick for it. The purpose of it is to give you a bunch of...sad? Songs that you maybe haven't tried to pacify yourself during those dodgy little spells. So, aye, they're downtempo, slow and will generally put you on a downer if you're not in one but might pull you out if you are. Here is the last of my three mixtapes for this entry, and I've dubbed it Ow My Wrists:

And again, dickhead

Feel Good Inc.

First and foremost, a massive thank you to my good friend who I'll call Ultra Mundane here for the fantastic banner and for a mention on his radio show on Sunny Govan radio: http://www.sunnyg.com I don't know when he's on or whatever but check the site out anyway (I mean, if you wanna. You don't gotta) for fun and games.

So since I had the urge to write but had nothing in particular in mind, I'm just going to tackle the big boy. The big cheese. The bigger fish to fry. The elephant in this particularly black and melty room. Here it is...a small handful of things to enjoy 'in the glow' (after a special kind of smoke)!

I really need to work on my list titles, some day.

Thing #1 - Oney

CLICK HERE FOR THE THING

As much as I think he's a whining little bitch at the best of times, this fucker is one of the funniest fuckers a-fucking-round. His videos end me when I'm sober - I know them all back to front, see, so I didn't see what could be gained from watching his stuff after some Camberwell Carrot. Boy howdy was I wrong. The videos gain a whole new level of comedy when watched in that state. That doughy, pale Irish retard sure can roll out the funnies.

Thing #2 - KC And The Sunshine Band

CLICK HERE FOR THE THING

Odd thing, to discover that original disco music works beautifully well with a bit of reefer. Maybe I was on some special strain or whatever, but I could just about see the disco balls, satin shirts and sexual depravity in front of me. The 70s, from what I've gleamed, was the last decade where just about all music was pure and good. Then the 80s came along and fucked everything up (and yet hipsters and many others are utterly obsessed with the period, why??)
  
Thing #3 - Sega Mega Drive Ultimate Collection

CLICK HERE FOR THE THING

This one should be reasonably obvious I would've thought. About 50 total retro games, many of which are still pure quality. It can also be pretty hilarious when you discover how such simple tasks become complex missions in dexterity - Sonic the Hedgehog becomes bloody carnage! I'm being serious too, I had to change games constantly today because they were all too hard for me. Ecco The Dolphin gets a special mention here, this is what it was made for, far as I'm concerned.

Thing #4 - Bad Horror

Pretty terrifying stuff.

CLICK HERE FOR THE THING

Well, I mean, I'm a fan of this stuff all the time, so I'll take any excuse to talk about it. You can even go for quality 50s B-movies, they work almost as well for different reasons, just depends on your preference. If you go down that route, I recommend Them! The beauty of shit horror movies is that they are in no short supply - Gore-Met Zombie Chef From Hell, Fertilise The Blaspheming Bombshell, I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle, these are all real and they are all hilarious. The Driller Killer gets a special mention because of the stabbing in the street part, I was in company when I watched that and I'm told I looked like I was about to burst or suffocate.

Thing #5 - Parks

"Where did you learn the recipe for these brownies, Dorothy?"

Ok so I can't really give you a link that will take you to a park for you to walk around in. If you can't visit one, play Minecraft or whatever it is you rejects do.
As a novice smoker, I occasionally read threads on what to do when stoned, wanting to try everything that seems worth trying. Going for a walk was a popular answer, but I couldn't see where the appeal would lie there, I'd just find it terrifying. Right? Well, yes actually, but it's still a lot of fun to do. Very recently I took a person in particular to my local park on a sunny evening and we blazed it, sat in a massive flower garden, the bees of Summer doing their thing around us, the sun slowly setting against a clear blue sky. It was quite an experience. As was strolling around the castle ruins, crossing the bridge over the gentle stream, walking the jetty around the lake, dawdling along the path with overhanging trees on either side of it which created a gateway effect with a little hill at the end that nearly causes you to enter cardiac arrest. I made none of that up either. Just imagine all that...but high.

Some other bits and pieces worth checking out:
Nosferatu [1922 movie]
Rez or Child Of Eden [Xbox 360]
Monty Python's Flying Circus [TV show which my mate advises against watching high]
Happy Snax [cheap crisps with a stoned-looking rabbit on the packs]
Christ, everything [Christ, everything]

A Bullet For Everyone

God, I'm simply so used to beginning with "Yes, Comrades" that I feel completely naked when I don't say it. But on the plus side, it's nice to be able to write without having to think of a stupid pun or one liner every sentence or two. So there's that.

Anyway, I have one subject in particular I'd like to cover with you all today. "You all" may well be one, maybe two people, but oh well. Maybe when I croak it, this is what they'll remember me for! My magnum opus, Black Melt. My best mate has very kindly offered to create a custom banner for me, which I'm very excited to see (no rush though la!) and this is where, if I was writing in Empty Ring, I'd start saying words that rhyme with 'see' and 'me'. Thankfully not, think I've overused my quota on that gag. Anyway, I brought up the banner because it has given me the boost I needed to write tonight in the bright lights of white might. Ok, got it in anyway.

Music...mmm, I have to say I've made no new discoveries worth writing home about lately. I had a very enjoyable staff night out last Saturday where Disclosure's White Noise became my new theme song. This ties in with my first post which covered that very song. The duet I performed in with the housekeeper I hadn't spoken a full sentence to before on I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing is irrelevant. Ok, so that's music sorted!

BORDERLANDS!!!!!

Seriously, just watch that right there. It may well be all the persuasion you need to play this fucking game, I know it was good enough for me to sit up and pay more attention to my tiny, shitty little television screen.

I 'hinted' at talking about this game last time (if by hinted you mean outright said I'd probably talk about it) along with F.E.A.R. But really, fuck F.E.A.R. It's not a bad game so far, but I've hardly touched it, played about two hours of it. I must admit, I did jump once, I was wading through some sewage pipe thing large enough for a man, shuffling past lifeless skeletons floating in the water when BANG! Or whatever the onomatopoeia is for a skeleton suddenly leaping at you, making a very loud noise and making the screen suddenly flash red. So the game has promise, but I couldn't take the hype anymore, I had to try Borderlands.

So, I'm greeted with the startup screen, then that stellar intro, then I pick my character and that's that, I'm left to fend for myself with no real inclination of what to do or how to do it. Found it a bit daunting at first, but I soldiered on. As my abilities were gradually explained to me and I realised the width of the arsenal of techniques and weapons I had at my disposal, I couldn't wait to start crying bloody murder.

And to see if there was a 'Scream Your Name In Pleasure' option for this character.

I did seriously go Lilith, pictured above. As a manly man with more chest hairs than chromosomes (sadly that's probably true :( ) I was of course skeptical about going a girl, but wow, all jokes aside, I'm so glad I did. Her signature ability is Phasewalking, which basically means she creates a massive explosion around her then immediately turns invisible and can sprint twice as fast as anyone else for a few seconds, then another explosion and she's back in business. Suited my style perfectly.

There are literally millions of guns in this game with tons of mods for them, grenade mods including sticky grenades, grenades that explode into other grenades...elemental guns, ammo upgrades, shields which electrocute enemies who are too close when they blast your face, shields that regenerate your health and spew acid, guns with blades which set enemies alight...I can't stress enough how much there is to loot in Borderlands. You know what else? There are at least two whole categories of item (one is artifact guns) that I haven't even discovered yet...and I'm at level 30 of the level 61 cap! That's nothing though - I've recently heard a mate's girlfriend has 500 hours pumped into this game and is showing no signs of letting up yet!

Let me try to paint you a picture to help you understand why this game is so fucking amazing. I've just been given a mission to hunt down and destroy Mothrakk, a giant, flying, fire-breathing, nigh-invincible homage to Mothra of Godzilla fame (which made me a very happy man). At the touch of a button, I've generated a rocket launcher equipped car/tank hybrid and am speeding towards the beast. I launch rockets from the cartank whilst simultaneously mowing it down with the chaingun, which is doing little to no damage. Mothrakk retaliates by showering me and my car in an explosive inferno and isn't letting up. Seconds before the car explodes, taking Lilith (me) with it, I leap out and sprint to cover. I whip out my trusty shotgun which douses my foes in caustic acid, doing damage over time. Blast, blast...no real effect from such a distance. Out comes my electric repeater, which seems to be clipping the beast's wings. Or maybe not. I'm once again struck by a meteor shower of death. Phasewalk! Thankfully when I last levelled up, I upgraded Lilith to regenerate health during those precious few seconds of invisiblity. I get to new cover. Out comes my recently acquired combat rifle, but I'm not well-levelled in combat rifles, so despite each shot I fire creating an explosion on impact, my accuracy simply isn't good enough. Fine! Big gun time. Behold my sniper rifle of firey doom. I sprint around the wastes, narrowly escaping Mothrakk's explosive death blasts many times, choosing my shots carefully, each one will set my enemy on fire for a brief amount of time. Sorted. Or so I thought, until it summoned a colony of its lesser counterparts to swarm me. Wait for it...wait for it...NOW! I activate Phasewalk, which creates an explosion of acid and lightning around me, destroying the whole swarm in one blast. I quickly exit phasewalk, leap into the air, and punch Mothrakk square on the beak, which sends it hurtling across the wastes, granting me a level up and a shitload of cash to upgrade my shields, ammo capacities and grenade power.

Yes, please, I implore you - PLAY BORDERLANDS!!

Don't Believe A Word

With that title, maybe it's clear which direction we're about to head in down the road of good old fashioned rock and roll. But before we get there, I've decided that as a gobshite my job is to give my opinions on absolutely everything I care to stick my bulbous nose into. This is almost certain to include movies, TV shows, video games old and new, crisps, mobile phones, Irish telephone boxes (that would be quite the top ten, wouldn't it?) and Jelly Belly flavours, amongst other things. In short, it's my blog and I'll humiliate myself if I want to. With that said, let's get some fat chewed, starting with...

Thin Lizzy

They put me in mind of The Black Widows from Every Which Way But Loose (♫Every which way but looooose♫) in that particular shot. As with so many bands, regrettably I am terribly late to this party.
I've just invested in the band's greatest hits...which, so far, I think is a bit too padded out. Two discs of greatest hits is self-indulgent for absolutely anyone...unless you're The Beatles, in which case you just do whatever the fuck you want. Or Aerosmith. Greedy, greedy men. Did you know they even released a Super Nintendo game about them, starring them, featuring their music? Add that to the fact they seem to have a new greatest hits album out every year and you have Steve 'Of course I'll do it. How much?' Tyler's money-hungry band of sluts. Anyway what the fuck? Thin Lizzy!
I've always liked Phil Lynott, to be fair - his performance on The Spirit Of Man on Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of The War of the Worlds was and is absolutely spellbinding, which is how I've wound up checking them out proper. In spite of my self-indulgent criticism, they are proper rock and roll in its purest and most 'avin' it' form. Highly recommend their cover of Rosalie, along with all their obvious songs of course.

Creedence Clearwater Revival

"Vergil, don't he got a purdy mouth? I want to eat him"

Creedence aren't cannibals to my knowledge. What is it with these lads and forever having their music in gritty but witty Vietnam flicks? Seriously. I wasn't around at the time to know, but I'm assuming Fortunate Son was somehow a kind of pro or anti war statement? I've never been great at deciphering lyrics, which is why songmeanings.com has its place in the world, for spoonfed twats like yours truly. But the band, as I'm now discovering, have so much more to them than being associated with a song that will forever be associated with "Lieutenant Dan, ice cream!" to me. Suzy Q is a beast of a tune, as is Have You Ever Seen The Rain? which I'm told is a funeral favourite in the States for the older generation. I can see why, it's pure 60s, when the world was just beginning to wake up to a beautiful day that would last right to the Summer of '69. I appreciate I really have no idea what I'm talking about, but this music makes you feel like you do, almost like you were there. Almost.

Rush

Odd looking fellas aren't they? But at the same time, somehow cool, transcending all norms and social...nah I can't go through with this, sorry. You have the German Michael Rooker on the left, Kevin Spacey in the middle, then Frank Zappa and John Lennon's bouncing baby boy on the bass, on the right. Seriously though, 'Frank' is actually Geddy Lee (I think!), described by many but mainly Trey Parker as 'the greatest bass player ever, man'. It's too early for me to comment on that, but I can say Moving Pictures is a fucking fantastic album, with one of the greatest openers ever, Tom Sawyer. That riff, that fucking riff. Which one, I hear you ask? Exactly. Tom Sawyer is just awash with memorable, timeless little pieces of rock. YYZ is another highlight for me - it's nice to be able to enjoy it without having to try to play it on a PS2-connected piece of plastic at the same time. Those were the days. Moving Pictures has no cop-out tunes on it, they seem to have just thrown the kitchen sink at it. And good for them, it's a stellar album and I look forward to hearing more.


Ok, that'll do with music for today. Next it's...

Five Gentlemen That May Not Gel Together But I'd Still Like To Have Them At My Dinner Party So Fuck You Thank You

1. Richard Burton

My favourite actor of them all, just throwing that out there. I won't add unnecessary fluff by saying he was a misunderstood genius or he died a tragic death or any of the usual nonsense, but I will say he is the closest humanity has come to a real life Hannibal Lector, in terms of sheer charm. His voice is inimitable (the roar of the valley, as he called it, being Welsh) and instantly recognisable to those familiar with his work. His performances in Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?, 1984, The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, Cleopatra...God I could go on and on. Very honest, very powerful presence, very self-deprecating and above all, the king of the stage, in film or...well, onstage. R.I.P.

2. Guy Garvey

"Why don't blokes tell other blokes they love them? What's wrong with telling your mates you love them? You should. One day it might just be too late" - Henry VIII...er, I mean Guy Garvey. Seriously though, no one writes better than he does at the moment as far as I'm concerned. Once again, a totally inimitable voice, a very charming lad, can work his audiences like lather, has only performed one gig sober in his entire life...I say this more than I should, but seriously: Need I say more?

3. Stewart Lee

Ah, Stew. My favourite comedian currently at work. I wish I could say it's Billy Connolly but Bill's definitely had his day and is better suited to his travelling programmes now. He's not unfunny now or anything, I just don't think he's fared very well in keeping up with modern comedy standards, which pains no one more than me, believe me. But Stewart Lee is as much a master of comedy as you can possibly get. By that I don't necessarily mean he's the funniest, but he knows the art form so, so, so well and is constantly faking out his audiences, tricking them with routines that go nowhere, making them laugh at horrible things then genuinely making them feel bad for doing so...then completely doubling back on himself two minutes later. He's a total force of nature in the most understated way and I'm not ashamed to admit it genuinely angers me when people who don't understand his act call him unfunny or just attack him in general. That sounds so elitist, I know, but he aims to alienate the spoonfed, infantalised viewing public that has formed on the backs of Michael McIntyre, Jack Whitehall, Russell Howard, Russell Kane, Russell Brand ("Seen these Russells they have now?" - Stew) etc. so don't have a go at him for doing his job and making you feel stupid. He's trying to do you a fucking favour!

4. Noel Gallagher

Well, we'd need someone to make the party less tense, wouldn't we? I imagine he'd hate this party and would have some barbed comments like "All fiction books are shit" or "What's this we're drinking? Elderflower cordial? Avocado salad? 'Ave-a-cado salad? You bunch of shandy pants bastards" but let's face it, if he invited himself to your party, you're not going to turn him down, are you? Don't want him shitting down your chimney or pissing in your letterbox. Ah, the charm of the Manc drunk...

5. Daniel O'Donnell

"What about ye?"

Er...

5. Daniel O'Donnell wmmvrrvrrmm

This is my 'hipster' entry. This is a chap I encountered on one of my YouTube quests (TubeQuests?) and found absolutely fascinating. He has been seen around London wearing a hollow pyramid contraption on his head for reasons best known to him...but beyond that, he appears to be a pretty normal person. Very polite, very interesting, courteous...Do they have a name yet for that quality people possess, where you just find yourself consumed with interest by whatever they're talking about? Stephen Fry Syndrome? Well, regardless, wmmvrrvrrmm (seriously, his preferred alias) possesses this quality and for this reason, along with the complete lack of interest in what people think of a man walking the streets of London with a coathanger (it isn't really) on his head he has, he has earned his place at my table. You can find him on my Twitter following list if you'd care to learn more.


And that's us for this entry! I dread reading this one back, because I just know I've almost certainly dipped my toe too far into the pool of oddity this time. Oh well. Next entry will (probably) touch upon two new 360 games I got for a pittance - F.E.A.R. and Borderlands. Maybe even the music of Robert Johnson and Count Basie. We'll see.

What Your Soul Sings

Welcome to Black Melt. Every now and again, I find myself going on a music downloading/buying spree and just overloading myself with loads of new stuff to try out. I often find some really interesting stuff which I feel deserves sharing - this is this blog's purpose. I will share some stuff I've found myself enjoying recently (relative to the post date) which I hope you'll enjoy too. If you read my other blog, Black Melt will use its own style, because trying to be funny in two places is just too much work, sorry. Also, music is no laughing matter! Ok. Without further ado, here we go. The first album I reckon you should check out is...

Fu-Schnickens - Nervous Breakdown

Proper old school hip-hop from an English outfit I certainly had never heard of before. Based on YouTube views, their most popular song seems to be one called True Fuschnick which is certainly a fine piece of music, but this particular tune I've linked is my favourite from the Nervous Breakdown album. It's funky with smatterings of darkness. The first three songs on the album are a brilliant one-two-three combo of sucker punches which if you don't enjoy, you won't like the rest. If you enjoy 90s hip hop, before the shit about stabbing people, falling in love at the chippy and chasing status (and, indeed, Chase And Status) became parts of the game, then this is definitely worth a spin.

Elbow - The Take Off And Landing Of Everything

Unfortunately, I couldn't find a video of the song Colour Fields from this album that I could place on here (weird that...), so if you wouldn't mind skipping to that one on this video, or My Sad Captains, that'd be handy. Those are my two current favourites from this album. For the uninitiated, Elbow are proof that there is still plenty of good music around nowadays, can't stand it when people say all music is shit these days. Nonsense. There's always been shit music, since the very dawn of time. It just so happens that shit music isn't remembered, so looking back on the past will always yield positive results, you bloody fool. Anyway the album's amazing, a true return to form (though Elbow only nearly kind of lost their footing with Build A Rocket Boys!, but not quite).

Yellow Magic Orchestra - Solid State Survivor

Now we enter the more esoteric. This album came out in Japan in 1979...and if you know anything about anything, you'll hear right away that this is at least a decade ahead of its time. The tunes would fit perfectly in a Sonic The Hedgehog game, it's pure Japanesey electronica cheese and I happen to bloody love it. The song linked, Rydeen, is unique to me in that I can't think of any other electronic band who use animal sound effects in song. It's really quite catchy too. If you're comfortable dipping your toe in the deep end of the nerd pool, give the song Solid State Scouter, a tribute to this album, a listen. You might find the cheese of all of this a bit overwhelming though, be warned.

Disclosure - Settle

I'm massively late to the Disclosure party. Which doesn't surprise me, actually - this isn't my usual type of music at all. I have to say though, these two young lads are proper fucking good. The whole album I admit is a bit samey, but when the beats and the melodies are as infectious as these are, you don't tend to care much. Miss Aluna Francis sounds like a five year old on White Noise here, just a heads up. Seriously, release your inhibitions just long enough to enjoy this tune and you never know, Disclosure might just be a garage group for you too!

Crystal Stilts - In Love With Oblivion

You're stepping dangerously close to crossing the hipster line with this album, so just watch your fucking self, ok? I think it's worth at least one listen, it's basically what would happen if you got The Doors and Joy Division and smooshed them about in a big band blender. The guy sounds so much like Ian Curtis it's quite uncanny. I should say it was difficult picking which song to showcase there, but I've went with Flying Into The Sun because it was my first taste of Crystal Stilts, found whilst listening to Golden Animals. If you'd prefer something much trippier, Alien Rivers is the song for you. Fucking great band name too isn't it? If a little silly.

The Future Sound Of London - Lifeforms

That song there be Spineless Jelly. Maybe you already have an inkling as to what kind of music FSOL produce. Well, they eventually changed their name to The Amorphous Androgynous and started making freakier and spacier shit every year. Looking back, however, they've always done the same sort of stuff. Their album here, Lifeforms, seems to be one of the high points of their career spent as FSOL. Absolutely amazing to just sit back and chill to - very ambient, trippy and soothing. Perfect for a rainy Sunday evening on the headphones.

La Femme - Psycho Tropical Berlin

One of the three very recent releases on this list (the others being Disclosure and Elbow) and by far the weirdest of them all. La Femme are a French group with seemingly infinite members, making psychedelic electronica in (mostly) their mother tongue. The vocalists are good, I particularly like the girl on this song and Antitaxi. Obviously this kind of music isn't likely to go down well at parties and may suit the arty farty batties of you better than the casual listener. As far as I know, hipsters haven't gotten a hold of this group yet, so it's still 'safe' to enjoy them. I know I do anyway.

The Mahavishnu Orchestra - The Inner Mounting Flame

Now this is prog rock! I've always been a huge fan of this song here - You Know You Know. Very slow and almost menacing. I regained interest in this group after getting quite into Massive Attack's One Love, which minimalistically samples this very tune. You can surely gather that this is the kind of music for a quiet night in by the fire, probably dropping acid or something, I don't know. What I do know is that the music on this album makes me feel very cosy and sleepy, in a good way though! I can't recommend this particular song (at least!) more, be sure to give it a try if it's your kind of thing.


And that's all for today! There's no set pattern for when I'll do these, because you simply can't predict when your passion for music will suddenly explode one day and you end up getting these mixed bags of goodies and baddies, so we'll see. What I do know though, is that next entry will see me examining in a bit more detail the tunes of Thin Lizzy, Creedence Clearwater Revival and Rush.

Finally, to celebrate the birth of a new blog which I'm already pleased with, let's have some Massive Attack, with one of my favourite performances of theirs (I can't put their performance of Mezzanine on Abbey Road here, what garbage):